Sometimes I feel completely out of the loop. I never (strong word, I know) know what's going on. But, I also think that it's probably my fault. Over the years, whenever I'm in a conversation with someone (usually women) rather it be one-on-one or in a small group, I cannot keep my mouth shut. I try. I really do. But when I hear faulty thinking or flawed reasoning, I point it out.
Let me give an example. The first time I can remember doing this was about 12 years ago. I was riding in the car with a new-friend-candidate. I don't remember the exact conversation or topic, but it was about this speed: Candidate says, "Tomorrow's my mother-in-law's birthday. We're supposed to have a party for her and then go out to eat with [husband's] family. But she's just so nosy and nasty. I just can't stand to be around her. I'm going to call [husband] at work tomorrow and make him take me to the city tomorrow instead. I need to have my nails filled anyway. We can go eat at Spaghetti Warehouse then, too. It's not his favorite, but I like it." Me, totally aghast, "Candidate, you can't do that!" Needless to say, the car fell silent and we still are not "friends" to this day. Although, I do think she's come a long way since then.
Other examples come from when small groups of people will be standing around visiting and one will be on a rant about something that irritates him/her and is voicing some really faulty thinking. I can't help it. I usually speak up and expose the flawed reasoning or squelch the gossip. So, no one ever talks that talk around me because they know I won't listen to it and they don't want to look bad when I have to shut it down. Consequently, I'm out of the loop... which isn't usually a bad thing... only when you miss something important and worthy. I know it's my own fault because I practice the motto that silence is acceptance. Ever been standing around listening to a conversation that isn't lining up with reality or truth? Do you just stand there and politely listen, even smiling maybe? I don't. I can't. If it's something so trivial or something I just don't want to address for various reasons (possibly confidentiality), I simply walk away. By standing there and saying nothing, everyone assumes that I agree with everything being said. By staying silent, I am accepting the conversation as truth or supporting the position of the speaker. I have talked to my children about this over and over. Some days they come home from school and tell me about a conversation and what they chose to do about it.... sometimes they intervene if they feel comfortable to do so, and sometimes they simply walk away so as to not be associated with it at all. Bravo, girls! [insert standing ovation of a proud mama] So, let me ask you... what have you accepted lately?
*We could break into a political discussion here, but I'd just rather not.
I loved this! I am a similar personality. If I allow you to speak ugly about someone in front of me, then it tells you I am going to allow the same to be said about you! Unacceptable to me. I recently bumped into this problem with a teacher/mentor of mine. I have to correct it/her, but was unable to do that respectfully at the time. Each time we stand up for righteousness, God elevates our reputation. It's important. The world we live in needs to see Believers "standing out" from the crowd. This is one way we are "peculiar" for God's glory. You are precious! If you are ever heading south near GA, you let me know. I want to meet you face to face. :-)
ReplyDeleteThis is a great challenge.
ReplyDeleteUsually, however, I go overboard in the opposite direction. In fact, the moments I'm the most ashamed of were--without exception--preceded by some outburst of thought meant to be witty or intellectual, but actually sounding unkind. At least when I write stuff down, I can see it in print and edit before I publish...or at least retrieve it later and delete.