Tuesday, March 24, 2020

A hell of a year...

The year 2019 came in like a lion and went out like a... lamb?  I don't know if lamb is the right word, but it did come roaring in.  It actually started with a marriage proposal on Christmas Day 2018.  My oldest daughter found the man of her dreams and he proposed.  As a family, we decided that May was probably the best time for a wedding.  We'd squeeze it in between Rayne's graduation and wheat harvest. I also had my youngest daughter graduating high school in 2019.  We blinked twice and May was here.  My superb organization and all of our experience planning big events made the spring go by very quickly but not too stressful.  Rodney was the one stressing the most because the weather was so wet that it made it impossible to get in full weeks of work.  Our friend Galen said that the spring of 2019 was the wettest one he'd experienced in almost 50 years of pouring concrete.  We believe it!

The graduation and wedding were definitely highlights of the year.  So many of our loved ones were here, like at the house, for many days-- most of the time helping out.  It was three weeks of pure joy, and I relished every moment of it.  People would continually come up to me and say things like "I bet you're ready for all of this to be over with."  Me, always able to disappoint would say, "No.  I'm not.  I have a house full of the people I love most, and I don't want it to end."

Our youngest daughter graduating meant the inevitable was just around the corner...

I busied myself with low-cost projects that were actually way too big for me to accomplish myself.  But, alas, I am very resourceful.  And I'm not afraid to ask for help.  I took on some upholstery projects that decided I didn't want to tackle myself, so I packed my car with boat seats, cushions for the dining benches in the camper, and outdoor patio cushions and drove to Minnesota.  I'm not afraid to drive 15 hours across country by myself either.  I spent another week with my Aunt Barbie. (She had been at my house for two.)  I ripped seams to make patterns while she sewed the new ones together.  We had quite a system and she has quite a talent.  It was a much needed hiatus from everything that had transpired all year and I didn't have to think about IT.

When I got home, I decided to dig much deeper into the family genealogy.  It was cheap entertainment and it kept my mind occupied.  I learned so many fascinating things about my ancestors-- even that Regan's new husband has a couple common ancestors with her about 10 generations back.  Crazy-small world.

Sooner or later the unavoidable, necessary new normal was lurking its-profoundly-painful-self right around the corner.  IT.  The changing of the season was close at hand.  Summer would evolve into... more summer, right?  who am I kidding... summer would evolve into continued hot days but with my going to school instead of sitting on the back porch, dreading the advent of the new school year... without my kids at school, and soon, without them at home even.  Three kids in 4 years was a great idea!... until it also meant that all three left in 4 years too.

It was hard.  Mentally, it was hard.  But it did get easier.  I finished most of my mourning in July before it even started.  I had lots of long days at home with everyone else at work.  Knowing that each one of them was healthy and happy and pursuing life in a way that was pleasing to God made IT much easier to withstand.  Little did I know, it would only be for a short amount of time... a semester, and Rosalind decided to transfer schools and move home, much to Rayne's disheartenment.  They were roommates in the dorm, and Rayne was about to be alone.

Work was still really stressful for Rodney because there just wasn't enough of it.  He just couldn't catch a break.  He was ready to go, but there wasn't enough to do.  We mulled over all of our options and decided to start talking to people and put in a few applications.  By the end of the year, Rodney conceded to hauling cattle again to fill in the gaps.  Twenty-five years later, and it's still not his favorite thing to do.

So, in like a lion and out like...  a lamb?  No, like a geriatric lion with a terminal illness that can barely raise its head who really just needs to be taken out behind the barn and shot... put out of its misery.  Parker McCollum has a song "Hell of a Year" that came out in late 2017.  I just found it this year, and the tune and repeating lines of the title really resonated with me.  The rest of the song does not, however, but I don't even hear it when I listen because it immediately takes me back to the really good memories of 2019 and all that I rode through emotionally-- the highs and the struggles to fight the lows.  2019 WAS a hell of a year, but I wouldn't trade a moment of it for anything in the world.

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