In this life...: In honor of my grandmother...

This week my brother and I traveled to Iowa for my grandmother's funeral. I had the honor of writing both her obituary and eulogy for the memorial service and the newspapers. My aunts, uncle, parents, & brother were sitting around planning on Monday evening and talking about the service and assigning jobs to be completed. We began questioning who should read the eulogy. The preacher was suggested, but I shot that down immediately. Someone said Rodney, but that was impossible- he was at home in Oklahoma with the rest of my family. Dad asked me where the eulogy was... he wanted to see it. I pointed to my head and said, "I haven't started yet." After a bit Dad said he thought he could do it. After giving that some serious thought, I decided that yes, he should do it. Wayne took me home (to our hotel); Wayne went to bed and I began writing. It came easily and right from Dad's mouth. It was probably the easiest piece of writing I've ever written. The day of the funeral he was nervous, but he wanted so badly to do it. But minutes before the service began, he conceded. I told him, "I'll do it for you, Dad..." .... because you can't, is what I didn't say.

I stood in front of my family and my grandmother's friends and read....

Mom was many, many things in her life to many different people.

Mom was a student. Being raised in Des Moines’ east side, when she married Dad, she was very much a city girl. She knew nothing about farm life and living in the country. Dad taught her everything. She’d never driven a car, let alone a truck or a tractor. She learned how to milk a cow and raise chickens. She sold eggs and tended a huge vegetable garden. With the disadvantage of losing her own mother at such a young age, Grandma Rose, Dad’s mom, taught her so many of the domestic chores of her day, and in essence became a “mother” to mom.

And mom was very resourceful. Every year we’d get 100 day old chicks to raise. Dad tried to teach her how to butcher the chickens, but his way just wasn’t working for her. He set up a log to use as a butcher block with a hatchet, but she had a tough time swinging the hatchet and getting the neck cut in one clean swing. He even set two nails into the log as guides to hold the chicken’s neck. It still wasn’t working. Mom decided to try it her way… she’d leave them on the ground, step on their heads and pull their bodies off their heads. Then she’d put them down and they’d flop around headless until they bled out. Twenty at a time, they’d do… mom and Barb. Barb would skin them and mom would gut them. We had baked chicken every Sunday. She was an excellent cook. At times she’d host Thanksgiving dinner for her family of 23 when we kids were young. She was a gracious hostess and my cousins loved coming to the farm and visiting Aunt Valda. They’d spend their whole vacation at the farm playing in the hog lots and corn cribs, driving the tractors, petting the chickens and enjoying mom’s cooking. All of them have fond memories of Aunt Valda and the farm.

Mom was a supporter. She worked hard on the farm and at being a mother. Monday was laundry and bread-baking day. She always had snacks ready for us when we got off the bus, but the cinnamon rolls were always the best. When we kids got a little older, she took a job cooking at Nickerson’s to help support the family. She always did what had to be done and she always found the strength to do it. People liked to talk to mom and seek her advice. She always told it like it was. And she was a good listener. In conversations with her, she was always fully engaged. She had a way of making you feel like you were the most important person in the world. You could feel that she was genuinely interested in you and whatever you were sharing with her. For this reason, she made friends easily and created close bonds with her caregivers. They have expressed how much they loved her. She was very supportive of her family and showed it in many ways. When Barb hosted an open house for her first photography studio in Rogers, mom was there to support her. And when no one showed, she was there to cry with her in the hallway. Recently when Barb hosted her open house for the retreat center, mom was there with her making coffee, serving cookies, visiting with guests and making new friends. Mom always had a good word about her family… so proud of the way we turned out, but very humble in taking any credit for it.

Mom was a fighter. The list is long: She lost her mom at 13 years old. She outlived 2 husbands and has spent the last 40 some years living alone. She was a valiant fighter with her first diagnosis of cancer. Her treatment was so intense, someone half her age would have struggled. She beat it and was in remission for 4 years before it returned in a different area. Mom had a temper. Sometimes Dad liked to provoke her. One time while working on a pie, she got so mad at him that she wadded up some of the dough and threw it at him. It landed behind the hutch. It was still there, hard as a rock the day we moved. They never raised their voices at each other in anger. Well, not that we saw… not too sure how well Dad fared when her brand new frig slid off the back of the truck on his way home from the store, but besides that... She was a stubborn woman… sometimes to a fault… and sometimes to her benefit. Her biggest disappointment was losing Dad so early… too early. Every year since 1969, save one, she made the Memorial Day trip to the cemetery in Dexter, Minnesota. And every year Linda was with her and often times Ja, too. Mom was dedicated to her family and fought fiercely for them. She truly was the backbone of her family.

Mom enjoyed life… the simple things in life. She loved to travel and see new things. She collected various items from all the different places she’s been. She loved baseball and she loved the Atlanta Braves. She and her sister Kathy used to watch the games together over the phone. Mom was very talented. She loved creating beautiful things, and she was good at it. She really enjoyed all the planning and preparation that went into her work at HoJo’s as the banquet manager and she took pride in her work. She was amazing at crocheting and created hundreds of beautiful pieces. When Mom lived in Springfield, Al spent many Sunday afternoons visiting her. They’d spend the day driving around the area, sometimes they’d test-drive cars or go fishing. Mom loved to fish. And mom loved her life at Luther Park… everything about it. She enjoyed the activities and the people who lived there. They played cards and worked on puzzles. They checked on one another and encouraged each other. She was so appreciative and truly happy the last year of her life. She wanted more time… she wanted to beat this cancer one more time and live out her days with her new friends.

Mom was so many things to so many people… a student, a provider, an encourager and listener, a fighter and a lover. Mom never signed a letter or let you off the phone without telling you, “Love you, kid.” My mom was truly amazing.

I was honored to do this for my grandmother's memory and for my dad (and his siblings) who loved her very much.

Pictures from our trip to Iowa in July 2010... good times.