1. Smile. Now, if they're getting ready to take my picture, that's one thing, but if they're insinuating that I'm unhappy, we have a problem. I am probably more full of joy and peace and contentment than 99% of the people I know. Things like worry, envy, and sorrow do not dwell in me- not for any length of time anyway. Many times when I am driven by a task, I am focused and determined. I realize that I may appear unhappy, but I am not.... I'm busy. When others tell me to smile, it tells me that they believe I am miserable which really couldn't be farther from the truth. But, if they're truly worried about me, they would ask me how I'm really doing and stick around long enough to listen to the answer.
2. We missed you last Sunday. I don't know why this simple little phrase of Christianese (language that's really religious, but not very real) wears on me, but it does. It says to me- so where were you? what was more important than being in church? It doesn't come from the people who really care about you or who you are close to- it comes from those who are letting you know that they are keeping track, keeping some sort of scorecard on your faithful church attendance. I've watched others receive this statement as well and it torques me equally as much. Usually, explanations or excuses start flooding out of their mouths. Not me. I just smile a tight smile through gritted teeth and say nothing... even if I was just laying in bed last Sunday (which I've only done once in 13 years, but who's keeping score?) I do have to give my congregation a great big A+... this morning I just returned to church after being gone 7 (yes, seven!) Sundays in a row and not one single person spewed those words on me. Many expressed to me that they were very happy to see me and that they were glad I was back. They acknowledged our busy summer and everything that's been going on in our personal lives, but not one gave me the indication that they were requesting an explanation or that we were heathens for being absent. Kuddos to my church family whom I love dearly.
3. Pray about it. Are you kidding me? Seriously? If you are saying this to me, you do not know me at all AND you have just insulted me greatly. For one thing, if I am sharing a concern with you, then that means 1. you are very close to me and 2. I highly value your opinion and trust your judgement. Then you also know that I have been praying about it for some time now- weeks, months, possibly years. You also know that my prayer life is alive and well. But, occasionally, someone who I don't know nearly as well will ask me a pointed question or we will start talking about a topic that I am struggling with the answer to and after we discuss through it, they will throw out there those three insulting words, "well, just pray about it." It says to me that they don't think that I've already thought of that, or that I'm not a person who prays. When they close our conversation with that simple statement of, yet more Christianese, it completely undermines the conversation that we just had.
So am I just a little crazy? Maybe. Maybe I am just a snob. Maybe I need to get over myself. It sure makes me choose my words very carefully and only say what I really mean. Christianese drives me crazy, too. It's so vague and shallow and trite. People who are real to me, don't use it. I realize that it's truly a luxury to be understood by others and these three statements shouldn't get me all twisted up inside, but I just want to reply to them sometimes, "Are you for real?"
Here's one that galls me: "Well, God must have had a purpose in it." I'm not really a Calvinist so I just don't feel like God causes everything that happens. I usually just smile and say something like: "Well, He can bring something good out of it. We know that."
ReplyDeleteBut I have been guilty of the "we missed you last week". In my defense, though, I really did care.