Gypsy girl crosses old paths...

July 29, 2010:  Driving up I-44 just past Springfield, Missouri, (my birthplace) on our way to the funeral in Ohio, I realized that we were getting ready to drive by Marshfield, Missouri.  I attended school there... twice.  Not two days, two different grades... half of kindergarten and half of second grade.  It was a very dark night both ways when we drove through Marshfield so I didn't really see anything I recognized.  The 76 service station that I remember being at that exit is either gone or changed to something else and completely unfamiliar.  As I drove by in the dark, still not believing that I was really driving to Ohio, I realized that by driving through (by) Marshfield, I had driven within 22 miles of all the schools I ever attended within the last 30 days.  Big deal, right?  Actually it kinda is.  I attended 5 different primary schools and one college in my life time and two of the primary schools I attended twice, like Marshfield. 

July 5, 2010:  When I left Des Monies, Iowa, after my grandmother's 80th birthday party and drove up to Austin, Minnesota, I was within 11 miles of the Southland school district where I also went to elementary school in Rose Creek two different times... the other half of kindergarten through the first half of second grade and then again in fourth grade.  I was also 22 miles from Grand Meadow, Minnesota, where I attended third grade.  I will always remember that the teachers went on strike when I was a third grader and we got to stay home.  That was very cool.  It seems like it was about 3 weeks, but for all I know it could have just been a week.  The odd thing about being in the Austin area is that every time before when I visited, I would also visit Dexter which would have gotten me even closer two those two schools... within 6 miles, but this time I didn't go there.  When I left Austin and headed north to my aunt Barbie's house near Alexandria, I drove through Minneapolis and came within 12 miles of Prior Lake's Five Hawks Elementary where I attended most of fifth grade before moving to Oklahoma, where I finally stayed put and graduated high school and still live today.

Sometime between July 12-23, 2010:  I even drove right by the campus of Northwestern Oklahoma State University, my alma mater, this summer when I went and hauled a load of gravel to an oilfield location northeast of Alva, Oklahoma, with my husband one day. 

So really, with all these schools being in about an 800 mile stretch north to south and not on a direct route to anywhere that one would normally pass through on a single trip, that really is pretty amazing that I was within 22 miles or less of each one of them this July.  I did feel a bit like the gypsy girl of years past this summer in all my travels.  I am just so glad to be rooted down with no plans to move.... ever again.

Trivia question:  have a guess of how many houses I've lived in during my 37 years?  Hint: I've lived in three different houses in my 15 years of marriage and six different places the five years while I was in college... 

I'll post the answer in my next blog.

This isn't actually one of our moves from when I was a kid,
 but I'm betting that some of those "short moves" where probably very similar.... lol.

Three statements that ruffle my feathers...

You might call me sensitive or maybe even pathetic after you read this, but there are a few statements that truly ruffle my feathers.  And the really sad part is that the intention of the speaker of these highly offensive statements is generally meant to bring comfort or show concern, but to me it does just the opposite.  You're probably going to think I'm crazy, so prepare yourself.  Here we go...

1.  Smile.  Now, if they're getting ready to take my picture, that's one thing, but if they're insinuating that I'm unhappy, we have a problem.  I am probably more full of joy and peace and contentment than 99% of the people I know.  Things like worry, envy, and sorrow do not dwell in me- not for any length of time anyway.  Many times when I am driven by a task, I am focused and determined.  I realize that I may appear unhappy, but I am not.... I'm busy.  When others tell me to smile, it tells me that they believe I am miserable which really couldn't be farther from the truth.  But, if they're truly worried about me, they would ask me how I'm really doing and stick around long enough to listen to the answer.

2.  We missed you last Sunday.  I don't know why this simple little phrase of Christianese (language that's really religious, but not very real) wears on me, but it does.  It says to me- so where were you?  what was more important than being in church?  It doesn't come from the people who really care about you or who you are close to-  it comes from those who are letting you know that they are keeping track, keeping some sort of scorecard on your faithful church attendance.  I've watched others receive this statement as well and it torques me equally as much.  Usually, explanations or excuses start flooding out of their mouths.  Not me.  I just smile a tight smile through gritted teeth and say nothing... even if I was just laying in bed last Sunday  (which I've only done once in 13 years, but who's keeping score?)  I do have to give my congregation a great big A+... this morning I just returned to church after being gone 7 (yes, seven!) Sundays in a row and not one single person spewed those words on me.  Many expressed to me that they were very happy to see me and that they were glad I was back.  They acknowledged our busy summer and everything that's been going on in our personal lives, but not one gave me the indication that they were requesting an explanation or that we were heathens for being absent.  Kuddos to my church family whom I love dearly.

3.  Pray about it.  Are you kidding me?  Seriously?  If you are saying this to me, you do not know me at all AND you have just insulted me greatly.  For one thing, if I am sharing a concern with you, then that means 1. you are very close to me and  2. I highly value your opinion and trust your judgement.  Then you also know that I have been praying about it for some time now- weeks, months, possibly years.  You also know that my prayer life is alive and well.  But, occasionally, someone who I don't know nearly as well will ask me a pointed question or we will start talking about a topic that I am struggling with the answer to and after we discuss through it, they will throw out there those three insulting words, "well, just pray about it."  It says to me that they don't think that I've already thought of that, or that I'm not a person who prays.  When they close our conversation with that simple statement of, yet more Christianese, it completely undermines the conversation that we just had. 

So am I just a little crazy?   Maybe.  Maybe I am just a snob.  Maybe I need to get over myself.  It sure makes me choose my words very carefully and only say what I really mean.  Christianese drives me crazy, too.  It's so vague and shallow and trite.  People who are real to me, don't use it.  I realize that it's truly a luxury to be understood by others and these three statements shouldn't get me all twisted up inside, but I just want to reply to them sometimes, "Are you for real?"

Jim was a good man...

The call that came about 6am that morning was not a surprise, but to experience a funeral of this magnitude was.  Let me try to explain. Two days after the call came of Uncle Jim's death, we were pulling into the parking lot of the funeral home in Delaware, Ohio, where Jim's viewing was being held.  A Delaware County ambulance draped in a black cloth was parked near the front doors and various emergency civil service men and women dressed in formal attire (white gloves and all) were milling around.  Upon entering the funeral home, family greeted us and offered us a bite to eat.  One of Jim's close friends, Ed, greeted Rodney and seemed genuinely interested in Rodney and his family.  Ed said he knew much about us but had never met us.  Jim and Ed had been friends for nearly 25 years and worked together as EMTs.  Soon we learned that the Delaware County emergency servicemen were honoring Jim with two casket guards, one posted at each end of the casket.  With formal ceremony, honor guards changed every 15 minutes during the viewing hours of 2pm-4pm and 6pm-8pm.  We also learned they had provided transportation via ambulance for Jim's body every time it had been and would be moved, right up to the cemetery. 

Rosalind, Rayne, Shelby and Makenna at Jim and Patsy's house before the funeral

The next morning we spent some time at Jim and Patsy's house before the funeral.  Later, as we approached the church, we noticed a "service vehicle" in the road several blocks past the church that wasn't there when we went by on our way to the house.  Both Rodney and I thought it was a utility company working on the power lines.  We proceeded into the parking lot of their small country church and as part of the normal funeral line up process, parked our car behind the EMS vehicles and the ambulance serving as a hearse.  When we went inside, the casket guards were in place again, this time at the front of the church.  The family didn't come in formally, but all sat together in the front across from the Delaware County honor guard.  Church family and friends filled the rest of the sanctuary.

Just after the casket guards were relieved for the beginning of the funeral, "Jim was a good man," she said.  All I could think was "Amen."  All three of Jim's pastors from his time in the Kilbourne church were part of the funeral service.  The pastor who served the longest was Sonja Bender and she knew Jim well.  Her voice was so soothing, almost healing.  She went on to talk about relationships and action behind faith even when no one is watching.  Several people shared about their love for Jim and what their relationship meant to them.  Ed was one of them who told of Jim interviewing him for his position of EMT and learning the ropes from Jim and spending years as his partner.  He talked about how Jim was a role model for him at work as well as in his personal life.  Jim stood up with Ed in his wedding and later Jim and Patsy supported Ed's kids- following their school activities and ballgames throughout the years.  The church choir that Jim participated in every week, practiced with every week and who took turns seeing Jim to treatments and appointments sang a couple of lively choral numbers that aren't normally performed at a funeral.  It was so appropriate.  Jim's siblings, Karen and David sang a duet that was equally appropriate.  In her benediction, Pastor Bender began singing a capella from the pulpit before she closed the service with prayer.

As everyone exited the church, the Delaware County honor guard lined both sides of the walkway, approximately 25-30 of them.  They saluted as the casket came out of the church and the pallbearers loaded it into the ambulance.  Mist gently fell and cooled the summertime air...  it couldn't have been more perfect.  Everyone loaded in their cars for the procession to the cemetery.  Ten service men escorted the ambulance on foot all the way to the cemetery.  The truck that Rodney and I had mistaken for a utility truck was actually two firetrucks that now held a huge flag between them over the entrance to the cemetery... more Delaware County workers were honoring Jim that day.  They stood at attention, saluting the entire procession as it passed by them.  At the graveside, two military bagpipes played Taps and Amazing Grace, and two military men performed a flag folding ceremony and presented the flag to Patsy.  Delaware County honor guard stood facing the family just under the edge of the tent.  The call came over the radio from the central dispatch for the county giving a final call for Jim Tharp, Delaware County 3.  A closing prayer was offered and with the amen the mist falling from the sky stopped.

We were in awe of the formality, honor and respect of each portion of Jim's funeral process.  These men and women who were a part of this honor guard were giving of their precious time to honor one of their own for a great portion of two days.  Jim retired from the Delaware County EMS after 27 years in 1999, so he had been retired for 11 years.  Jim was also a veteran of the Vietnam war.  We were surprised to learn that not every family of deceased service workers in Delaware County allows the honor guard to be a part of the funeral process.  What a honor it felt like to us to witness their devotion to one of their own.  Ed mentioned that Jim's funeral was one that every county worker wanted to be apart of the honor guard because of their relationship with Jim and their respect for him.  It was a very humbling experience for us all and one that we will never forget.

We returned to the church for a lunch provided by the women of Kilbourne United Methodist.  We were so impressed with the church, not the building, mind you, but the people.  They were an active, close knit group that loved Jim. 

Two fire engines holding a flag above the cemetery entrance

more Delaware County workers honoring Jim

Delaware County saluting the funeral procession